The (Sham)Election Campaigns - Plur and Rekarth

Plur. Not Just Another Pretty Face.
Dateline: Day 5 of Eorgaen, 5102: Wehnimer's Landing

Editor's note: Upon seeing this submission, our copy editor paled, swore violently and quickly left saying something about a three day drinking binge and seeing everyone on Volnes next. We apologize for any difficulty the reader may have.

Allo Landin'. I'll try to make dis as brief as possible, since I know a lot o' folks got more to do dis time o' year den sit 'round and read mah ramblin'. But da mayoral debates begin on da 7th, wit' da election round'n da bend at da end o' da year, atleas' da Election Committee is hopin' for. But I t'ought I'd take a moment and follow in da footsteps o' ev'ry'uns favorite Luukosian...erm...waggl'r I mean....Nevrek.

I can't count how many folks have come to me askin' what mah platform is. Sure, I usually crack a joke and tell 'em I drink so much dat I broke mah platform. But regardless, I do have one. It's rath'r simple and some folks may t'ing it doesn't work, but I beg to diff'r.

It goes like dis, real simple. As Mayor, I'd be da voice for you, yeah, dat's right, you da citizens. Sure, I could stand 'ere all day and talk 'til I was blue 'bout what I envision for da future o' Wehnimer's Landin', and sure, I've got mah own ideas, but dis isn't jus' mah town, it's all o' yers. So my job would be to gath'r ideas, collec' ideals and goals dat people want to see happen to our city. What do YOU want?

Need more entertainment? Gott'n tir'd o' countin' yer toes and those o' yer relatives? Tell me 'bout it! What's yer ideas! Let's get t'ings chang'd. Can't sleep at night? Don't feel secure? Want bett'r city defense? Alright, good start, let's go from der. Tax's? Axe the Tax, or Wax the Tax?

I know it's a difficult t'ing to play diplomat and try to please the majority, but it isn't impossible. Sure, I might implement some chang's dat a majority o' folks will cheer and a small'r minority will jeer. Dat's always goin' to be da case, regardless whose mayor or which city. But my job would be to collec' positive, negative and suggective feedback from ev'ry'un I can, as to what dey see needs chang'd and how dey see it should be done. I'd weigh da options, set a priority lis' and juggle mah bes' to ensure t'ings get done.

Sure, I may spout off catchy...or ov'rbearin' campaign slogans...and it may appear it's jus' for fun, but I am serious 'bout mah dedication to a city I've seen chang'd 'round me for da las' ten years. I wan', what ev'ry'un else wants. I wan' people to be happy and to enjoy themselves. I t'ink we could change da attitude o' many a citizen when dey see their ideas, their suggestions finally bearin' fruit. How proud would people be if they contribut'd to the place they call home? A place oth'rs will want to call home? We could finally dig Wehnimer's Land'n outta da reputation oth'r cities love to gossip 'bout.

So dat's dat. Thar's where I stand. I wan' to make sure your voic's are heard and your ideas are implement'd. Sure, I may drink....I may wear a diap'r...and I may make a crude joke from time to time....but if ye know me, den ye know I'm hon'st and I enjoy hav'n fun and I'd make sure t'ings get done, as oppos'd to a paid off aristocrat, like the las' one. So please, whenev'r da elections do official come 'round, I ask dat you'd consid'r me for da position o' Mayor, or atleas' consid'r mah ideas and hold your mayoral candidate to them.

Don't t'ink I'm da right man for da job? Dat's fine. Der's plenty o' qualified candidates. Jus' make sure you keep read'n and do some research so you can make an educat'd vote....and den rememb'r TO vote! Let yer voice be heard and take back control o' yer city....and hey...if you'd rath'r see mah grinn'n head perch'd on da north gates...den make sure ye vote for me! I also ask, that should any rumors surface about a specific candidate regarding a criminal record of treason, conspiracy and raiding a town, please regard it as simple that, a vicious rumor. Rememb'r to vote! "Plur for Mayor is a must! His looks are good and his cause is just! Vote Plur for Mayor and you will see! The women are warm and the ale is free!"

Plur. The Diapered Avenger.

The Time Draws Near; Be Prepared to Choose Wisely
Dateline: Day 5 of Eorgaen, 5102: Wehnimer's Landing

My fellow citizens of Wehnimer's Landing, the time is drawing near when you will have the opportunity to make a choice. You will have the chance to take a decisive hand in the future of our township. I trust, of course, that you all will exercise this opportunity wisely.

For those of you that are not familiar with my reasons for running for office, allow me to state that I have resided in Wehnimer's Landing for some years now, and proudly consider it to be my home. When the guards began making lists of potential candidates, I took note of it and concluded that of all those that I had seen register, none would I trust more to oversee the future of our town than myself.

I have many plans, of course. Like some few of our other candidates, I realize the need for additional fortification to defend our streets against marauding roltons and other, far more serious threats. Corruption does indeed run rampant within our bureaucracy, and the poor still starve in Shanty Town. Like them, I also have plans to remedy such situations. However, what I can truly bring to Wehnimer's Landing is the benefit of my more than one and a half thousand years of insight and experience.

To this end, I would urge you all to vote in the upcoming election. Admittedly, I would prefer that you cast your vote for me, Rekarth N'Teclis Faendryl. Not for my sake, but for the sake of our town and all who reside therein. Place yourselves in my hands; you shan't regret it.

Lord Rekarth N'Teclis Faendryl, your candidate for mayor of Wehnimer's Landing.